Book – Chapter 9 – Dinner Out

Sam and I decided to drive through Little Porko’s and pick up sandwiches and fries for dinner. After that Sam would drive Dick’s truck back to the ranch. Dick’s laptop and I would continue on to the Divorce Support Group meeting where I would deliver his stirring message of love and hope to the assembled crowd.

We pulled into the drive thru lane and when we got to the speaker I said, “I would like two Porkzilla sandwiches with cheese,  one porky’s delight,  hold the cheese,  a side of beans, two coleslaw and the pig out fries with bacon and cheese. A large Cola and a medium ginger ale. “

“Did you want to take advantage of the Tuesday Special of half price pork rinds or Uncle Bubba’s sweet potato pie?” the server asked. 

I looked at Sam who said, “Both sound good to me.”

“I guess we’ll add one pork rind and two pies.” I said. 

We pulled out of Little Porko’s and drove to the Senior Center parking lot.  I pulled into the space beside Dick’s truck. 

“Is there any sandwich better than the pulled pork from Little Porko’s?” Sam asked as he wadded up the wrapper from his first Porkzilla sandwich and tossed it out the window.  He reached in the bag and pulled out his second Porkzilla and his Pig out fries.

“Oh they are really delicious.”I agreed, taking a bite out of my Porky’s Delight. “Are you trying to lose weight? You only got two sandwiches tonight.”

“YEAH, My twenty-fifth birthday is next month and I was thinking about how it’s time for me to get serious about getting in shape. “

“It’s the milestone birthdays and anniversaries that cause people to take stock and evaluate where changes need to be made.  Anything else you are going to work on besides your physical shape?”

“Eventually I would like to settle down,  get married,  have a couple of rug-rats, same as everyone else. Problem is,  no woman will ever see me as a man with a plan as long as I am still living in my mom and dad’s house. “

“Failure to launch, eyh?”

“Exactly.”

Sam took his Porkzilla,  fries, and pork rind wrappers,  stuffed them in his drink cup and tossed them out of the window.   

“Which is why I’ve been thinking about getting another job , or a second job . I need to save a lot of money to either buy, or rent my own place.

I’ve entered the Ranger in this weekend’s, Mojave Off Road Pickup Scramble, I  know I won’t take first place but I could still bring some money…”

Just then someone rapped on the passenger window.  I looked and a deputy motioned for me to roll the window down.  I lowered the window and she said, to Sam,”Is there a reason why you find it necessary to throw your garbage out the window and litter up the Senior Center parking lot? First of all, some older person could slip and fall on this crap and injure themselves. You do know that there are laws against littering and that I could write you a ticket?”

“I plan on picking everything up and taking it with me. ”  Sam said.  “I just put it there for safekeeping.”


“SAFEKEEPING?? Have you been drinking or taking street drugs? I can tell you know.  I’ve had training so don’t try to con me. “

“No Ma’am,  I  don’t do drugs and the only thing I’ve had to drink is a Cola with my pork sandwich. “

Lowering his voice as if he were letting her in on a secret,  he said,  “That’s my boss and this is his truck and he’s a bit of a neat nick. His friend Dick hurt himself and we’re here to take his truck to a safer place.  I thought,  instead of getting on the bad side of my boss by trashing his truck I would just toss the junk into the back of Dicks truck.  My aim is the problem.  Instead of going into the truck it kept hitting the side and landing in the parking lot. “

“Why don’t you get out here and clean up this trash while I talk to your boss?”

I tossed Dicks keys to Sam and he slid out of the truck.  The Deputy came around to my side of the truck and said, “I  heard about Dicks accident.  Such a sweet old man. How is he doing?”

“He got a rough road ahead of him but he’s a fighter. Long-term, He’ll be fine. He is scheduled for hip replacement surgery on Thursday with physical therapy following that. How long have you known Dick?”

“He dated my Mom for a while after his divorce. I thought he was going to be my step dad for  a while. I was a teenager then, I’m afraid i wasn’t very nice to him.” 

“Why don’t you stop in and pay him a visit? I know he would love to see you. “

“I might just do that. “

She turned,  walked to her patrol car, and got in. A great idea for a practical joke suddenly popped in my head.  I jumped out of my truck and trotted over to where her car was sitting. 

She rolled her window down and said,  “Anything I can help you with?”

“I have a great idea for a practical joke we could pull on Dick. “

“I wouldn’t mind giving that old philanderer a run for his money. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“The practical joke has to do with the events before he fell off the horse and broke his hip….” I went on to tell her the story of snakes,  flying bullets, and an exploding chuck wagon. By the time I got to the practical joke she was in with a capital I. 

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